| Been a couple of lazy days. And for the first time I experienced random euphoria too, for something I wasn't expecting.
Yesterday I spent a good time with my sis. In the end she didn't say much about my choice of clothes or my behaviors. I attempted to give the idea there is something we could talk about, but she ignored it, and so I just closed the door for now. Better that way.
We went together to the library, spending a good time there just commenting on the new book releases. She of course got an horror book (as usual for her), while myself I initially thought to not get anything (I have a backlog of books already!). Except... one in the end captured my eye. It's really cute and it was love at first sight! A fantasy (of course) but instead of an adventure, it's a romance. Of a lesbian couple opening a tavern together.
I... well. I wasn't expecting to find such books in the library, but I had to buy it, without a doubt! A cute story with cuddles and love and... huff. I don't know if that stuff was always in me or if it's the hormones really shifting my interests. A love story? Me? Oh my...
Though I know myself, I have always been cuddly and aching for some sweetness in my life, some romance and relationship... And now maybe I'm just starting to let these emotions seep out of the cage I held them in for so long. I'm starting to truly being myself and that is... it's so wonderful.
Anyway, the book purchase wasn't really what gave me euphoria, neither spending time with my sister (it was nice but nothing out of the norm). What triggered it was something more... dumb. That I really would have never imagined.
You see, when I'm having a lazy day off from work, I usually put on some old clothes that I can't use outside but that are still warm and comfy to keep at home. I think the hoodie and the pants I have on now gotta be at least a decade old. I have worn them so many times on the weekends, I'm... familiar with them.
And yet, while having them on this time, I started feeling conscious of how they felt against my body. How the fabric wrapped around my abdomen. Around my hips. My thighs.
I was lying on the couch and looking down at myself, and the first thought I had was "thats how boy clothes look on a girl".
And I suddenly felt euphoric from that. Because I was a girl, no matter what clothes I was wearing!
I don't need to be extra girly to prove who I am, I don't necessarily need a skirt or make up. I can already feel my feminine body shape hidden under the hoodie; and I know it will only get better as time goes on, with my forms becoming more evident, my chest getting fuller... I can't wait for the day I will be feeling myself not just on the inside!
...
Other than this happy moment, my days so far were very relaxing. Yesterday evening I went to the cinema with my sis and a friend of her, to watch Dune part II (great movie, I really enjoyed it). Today I read more of Fourth Wing too, and I can confirm I am back feeling relaxed with reading again, no more dysphoria caused by the protagonist. I was really upset back some months ago, where just going through few pages would trigger some... reaction in my feelings and cause me to suffer.
In the free time I have been playing some games; I have been trying on my new sockies (found one with a defect unfortunately, but I contacted the company and the owner was really sweet with preparing a free replacement immediately).
I'm also still exploring the BDSM potential encounters. I keep getting a few new proposals every day (I'm at 21 total now, I can say to be a bit impressed given I didn't post any picture even!). Still nothing happening for real, but I'm feeling excited at the idea of getting some chances to play someday. Oh, some fantasies getting shared here and there are already getting so exciting..! I just hope the reality won't hurt too much, because unfortunately I know not everyone will like my aspect, despite liking my identity.
Tomorrow (actually today given the time) is finally Easter.
I will be happy to open the chocolate eggs and find another dinosaur surprise (I love them, I hope to get the hammertail). Then I can be more lazy for the rest of the day. I wish I could have done something more exciting for the day, but I guess a grill with family will be enough.
Monday will be holiday too (and no therapy luckily), but I will definitely be going out, with my sis or by myself, I don't care. I just need to get some air and move a bit. Possibly going to shopping, even if I have nothing to buy I enjoy walking between the shops and seeing new clothes and items.
Now again I ended up super late writing this entry... Oh well.
Vicky out!
Edited by XRey360 - 3/4/2024, 00:11
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